Chico, A bien tôt

Chico left us on Tuesday night. He would have been 11 years old this month. He was with us for 10 years. 10 years of constant joy, love and goofiness.

You hear people talk about “good dogs”. Chico was one of the best. He was, truly, our fur baby. He was one of us. I know he loved us and we loved him back, fiercely.

Chico was ill. He was diagnosed with dilated cardiomyopathy; in May of this year, we were told his life expectancy would be 6 months. We were devastated. We could not imagine life without him. Now, we have no choice.

He loved everyone; okay, except for cats. He was not fond of cats, everything else was fair game for lovings. Even skunks but that didn’t turn out so well, on a couple of occasions but he kept trying.

I don’t verbalize very well; I write out my thoughts, my feelings. And…I am finding that words are failing me. There is no way to express how much we loved him. The void…the hole that was punched through, by his leaving us, is huge. The emptiness? Indescribable.

I want to concentrate on all the positive memories but right now, they just seem to emphasize that hole.

I want to take comfort knowing that we never had to decide when he was suffering and to help him end it. I know, deep in my heart, it isn’t a decision I would ever have made.

I want to take comfort knowing that he left us, in his own sweet bed, in his sleep, with Dave and I by his side.

I want to take comfort knowing that it was quick.

I want to take comfort knowing that the vow we made, when he came into our lives, to always give him the best, to love him, and yes, to spoil him, was a vow we kept.

I want to take comfort in all these things but comfort is very hard to come by, right now. Perhaps in the coming months, coming years, that comfort will help to, somehow, soften the edged of that hole in our hearts.

I want to believe that this is simply, as is said in Quebec, “A bien tôt”. I want to believe that he is with my Mom and Dad, waiting for the day that we are all together; the three of them, waiting for us. I want to believe that. I have created a mental picture of that. I will keep that dream image, in my mind, in my heart.